So recently I have been thinking a lot about the topic: Can Guys and Girls Just Be Friends? Now, I have always had my own philosophy, which I am going to share to you and maybe you can see my point of view, maybe you’ll think I’m crazy and just maybe, you’ll agree with me!
Here it goes. I believe that YES, guys and girls can just be friends. BUT, I don’t think male-female relationships go without at least one of two liking the other. I think that at one point one, or both, of the friends develop feelings/acknowledge the ability of more. However, even though they may have a moment of having feelings or stop to think about the possibility of the two together, they consciously decide not to pursue feelings. They decide that although it could work, it’s not a big enough risk to ruin what they have or it could work but it wouldn’t be “the one.”
So lets break this down into two scenario’s.
- You actually grow feelings for someone:
This often occurs at the most inconvenient fucking time possible. Basically, you realize that you have a crush on someone who all your life has been like a sibling to you. Sometimes these feelings grow while they are trying to recover from a newly lost relationship and you have been helping them through the break-up. This fucking sucks. But, even with feelings, you realize it’s not worth it. That it won’t work out in the end or that there are too many friend moments that stop you from being a couple.
- You have a moment of “Hmmm…”
This basically occurs when you have a close opposite gender friend who everyone, and I mean EVERY FUCKING ONE, thinks you are dating or should date. So, you have a moment of “hmmm… do I think this could actually work?” And you ultimately decide that you cannot and will not let that turn into more.
If anyone says they haven’t once seen their opposite gender friend in a more than friends light, they’re lying. It’s impossible not to at one point consider it, whether attraction plays a part or not! But, you can decide to NOT go for.
Now, all these scenarios, they can lead to more than friends. I’m not saying friends don’t become more than friends! I’m just saying, I do believe you can be JUST FRIENDS and truly mean it.
In an earlier blog I mentioned how I hate when people use “I think we’re better as friends” excuse because it sucks to hear it. And I think that the reason we say this is because we don’t want to say the actual reason why. Like why do you think friends is better? Don’t just say because friendship! Say the real fucking reason behind it! Whether that be sexual attraction or things you’ve done together that makes you too much like siblings to just being opposite personalities and just not being able to envision a life together. That’s okay! Just be honest! If you’re friends, shouldn’t you be able to tell the truth and be honest?
I’ve had to “we’re better off as friends” twice and each time it sucked but I had to be honest! The first one I said “I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship and we are in two different places in our lives. I can’t give you (aka I’m talking about sex here) what you want.” Which, I think is only fair to say. It sucked and I felt bad but I wasn’t going to give him my virginity at any time! This was back when I was much more black and white about it. I’m super confused now…
And the second time, I just said, “I’ve thought about it but I just can’t see it ever really working out. I don’t think we would live together and have enough in common to be happy. But as friends, I can support you and not feel like I have to ‘love’ it or participate if I don’t want too.” And I think this is fair! When you truly love someone, you doing things for them, that you may not be a fan of, doesn’t seem like a chore. It’s something ou do to make the person you love happy. That’s al that matters. In a friendship, that doesn’t make sense. You do it but you harbour negative feelings about it more.
Anyway, end of rant. I do believe that Guys and Girls can JUST BE FRIENDS. But I don’t deny that as sexual human beings that we never have a moment of doubt. It just depends how we treat the moment and if we decide to make a conscious effort to be just friends.
I hope this makes sense and hey, agree or disagree, I hope you aren’t as confused about your love life as I am about mine!
Sending Love Your Way,
Broken Girl Learning to Heal