What Now?

So I’m sitting here thinking, I’ve made this blog I’ve only ever dreamed about and now what? What do I write about next? And it’s funny. I hate this question. I didn’t always hate it but recently, it comes up a lot in my life. You see, I’m a recent University grad and well, life didn’t exactly play out as I thought it would.

I was raised in a home where life just happens. You don’t have to do a lot besides be a good Christian girl, go to church, love Jesus, find a man, marry him and have kids. Easy right? WRONG! You see I always thought I would find the love of my life in high school. We’d be high school sweethearts who went to the same college or university, grow together, learn what love was really all about and be married once we finished school. He would get a job and support the family while I, who would happily continue working as a successful anything, would stay at home with our kids. Now, I am a very career orientated woman so saying that kind of makes me shiver but at the same time, I know I would be happy staying at home with the kids.

Add four years of university and nothing. No husband. No fiance. No freaking man in my life! How did this happen? Sure, I lived a good social life and have lots of friends but how am I the odd girl out? How did my perfect plan fail? Oh yeah. It’s not a perfect plan. You don’t get to just dream up a situation and it comes to fruition, or at least my life has taught me that. I mean, I wasn’t like chasing after boys and most the time I would say “I’m not really looking for anyone.” Which, even if you say this, you kinda are. Don’t let anyone fool you with that. Also, the whole “you find them when you’re not looking” thing, Fuck that! No way are you truly NEVER looking for someone. Sure you may not be actively pursuing someone but come on?

Anyway, keeping all that in mind, what now? What fucking now? I thought life would be a lot different than it is. I may ask myself this question often but it doesn’t help when everyone and their dog also asks this question. “So, what now? Any plans?” or “How is a good looking and smart girl like you single? What now?” This is my life. This is almost my daily life. But you know, I’ve learned that being put together doesn’t mean being perfect. I thought after school my life would be in order and all put together but here I am, sitting in my living room, avoiding responsibilities and the fact that I am indeed very single. And yet, I’m happy. I’m healthy. I have great friends and family who love me and I’ve got lots of time ahead of me so what’s the worry? What’s the rush?

So, if you’re like me and this post, which is a bit disjointed, a bit confusing and a bit rambly, welcome to the land of the unknown. But don’t dismay! It’s really not the end of the world! Even if your mom is really getting worried about it…

Sending Love Your Way,

Broken Girl Learning to Heal